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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/22524139">Rooftop Retrograde</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/luminality/pseuds/luminality'>luminality</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>The 41st Fandango [2]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Disco Elysium (Video Game)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst, Electrochemistry (kinda) saves the day too, Fluff, Gen, Humor, Hurt/Comfort, Jean is very amgery at Harry, Kim saves the day, M/M, Past Alcohol Use/Addiction, Past Drug Use/Addiction, Pining, Post-game (minor spoilers), Suicidal Thoughts (implied), all of Harry's voices having a field day, emotionally constipated detectives</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-02-02</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-02-05</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-04-28 11:36:05</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>4</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>8,995</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/22524139</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/luminality/pseuds/luminality</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Jean delivers a reality smackdown to Harry on the precinct rooftop. Kim helps Harry pick up the pieces.</p>
<p>(occurs before <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/22476049/chapters/53706187">Overcoming Oblivion </a>)</p>
<p>(Check out this <a href="https://twitter.com/_Darelz_/status/1231393530322485248">awesome Jean artwork</a> by the marvelous <a href="https://twitter.com/AmeKinoko">AmeKinoko</a> [commissioned by <a href="https://twitter.com/_Darelz_">Darelz</a>] for Chapter 4! )</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Harry Du Bois/Kim Kitsuragi</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>The 41st Fandango [2]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/1625734</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>39</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>255</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. The Reality Smackdown</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Lieutenant Jean Vicquemare was not having a good day.</p>
<p>First thing in the morning, Mack Torson got his eyelids stuck shut with superglue --- <em>again</em>. The lazareth was so furious with Mack that Jean had to physically restrain the old man from throwing a medical book at Mack’s head.</p>
<p>“Let me go, lieutenant! A good blow to the cranium should reset this dimwit’s brain!” the lazareth had growled as he hefted <em>Gross Anatomy of the Human Body (2<sup>nd</sup> Ed.)</em> like a crazed librarian.</p>
<p>“Don’t let him get to me, Boss!” Mack had cried while cowering in the corner like a giant, muscle-bound toddler.</p>
<p>The afternoon was slightly better. He was blessed with a good two hours of peace and quiet that he used to slog through the mountain of paperwork on his desk. Then, while Jean was trying to tap into his inner Kindergarten teacher to understand Torson’s write-up on a recent case, Chester McLaine knocked on his door and peeked into his office.</p>
<p>“Hey there, Boss. There’s, uh, someone here from the Inspectorate General who wants to see you.”</p>
<p>Jean’s heart dropped to the pit of his stomach. He closed his eyes and wondered what unforgivable evils he had done to deserve such a day like this.</p>
<p>The visitor turned out to be a lackey of the Head Auditor of the RCM. He was there to deliver the joyful tidings that the Extremely Expensive Police Vehicle that a certain Lieutenant Double-Yefreitor had gleefully crashed into the sea a few weeks ago was in <em>no way</em> going to be replaced by the Inspectorate General. And also, that any damage to public property that the vehicle had caused (i.e. a certain fence behind a certain <strike>bar</strike> cafeteria and a large billboard advertisement by a certain waterway) were all going to be generously paid for by the RCM to restore the public’s faith in their police force.</p>
<p>Using funds from the coffers of Precinct 41.  </p>
<p>Jean’s pencil had snapped in half in his hand.</p>
<p>So, given everything that had happened that day, it was quite understandable that, when Detective Harry Du Bois saw him on the corridor and was about to say hello, Jean Vicquemare marched up to his face and practically shouted the following words at him, punctuating each one with a stab of his finger into Harry’s chest.</p>
<p>“You. Me. Roof. <em>Now</em>.”</p>
<p>Then, amidst the shocked and terrified stares of his fellow officers, Jean stomped off and headed to the roof.</p>
<p> </p><hr/>
<p> </p>
<p>The rooftop of the old silk mill was like every other rooftop in the city. It was littered with old beer cans and discarded cigarette butts, had an excellent view of the neighboring buildings’ brick-lined backsides, and was undoubtedly the best place in the entire building to deliver a reality smackdown to your former partner-slash-best-friend.</p>
<p>Jean was <em>angry</em>. Come to think of it, he’d been angry for a long, long time. He’d been angry for so long that, in some dark corner of his heart, the anger had fermented into a potent, heady mixture of bitterness and resentment against Harry.    </p>
<p>Today’s events were just the spark that lit all of that up into a raging blaze.</p>
<p>At the back of his mind, a small voice told him that he was being irrational, that he was just letting out steam on poor Harry, and that the other man had actually been doing a really good job of putting his life back together after the events of Martinaise.</p>
<p>But a few weeks of good behavior was nothing compared to the years that Jean spent picking up after the radioactive mess that was Harry Du Bois’ life.</p>
<p>It took a few minutes, but to his credit, Harry showed up. He looked surprisingly calm and composed, if a little wary of what was about to happen next.</p>
<p>“Jean,” he said, “what’s going on?”</p>
<p>And that was when Jean let it all out.</p>
<p>He started off by telling Harry about how he single-handedly demolished the reputation of the 41<sup>st</sup>’s Major Crimes Division. About the drunk tirades in the office, the verbal abuse that he hurled at his colleagues on a daily basis, the hidden stash of drugs that Jean discovered in his desk. He enumerated to Harry the names of the people --- the good, competent people--- who had left their squad because of Harry’s antics: Michel Harmond, Quincy Granger, Guillame Bevy, and so many others.</p>
<p>He told Harry about how he had behaved before he drowned himself in drugs and alcohol in Martinaise. How he had shouted abuse at Jean, Judith, and Trant until they packed up and left him there so that they wouldn’t “cramp up the style of the Detective God.” He reminded Harry about the police car that he crashed into the sea, and about what the Inspectorate General said this afternoon.  </p>
<p>Finally, he told him about Dora.</p>
<p>He told Harry about the desperate phone calls that she would make to Jean, the nights where she would just cry over the phone to him about Harry’s behavior. He told him about why she decided to leave, and about why Jean did not blame her for doing so.</p>
<p>He told Harry about the daughter that he could have had, but did not.</p>
<p>And Jean Vicquemare said every word of this with all the vitriol, virulence, and venom that he could possibly muster.</p>
<p>By the end of it, Jean was breathing heavily, and Harry --- Harry looked like a shadow of a man. Like he had somehow shrunk into himself while standing in place. Like he wanted the ground to open up and swallow him whole.</p>
<p>Like he wanted to die.</p>
<p>Jean tried to convince himself that he did not care if that actually happened.</p>
<p>He also realized that after everything that he had said, after releasing all of the bitterness, all of the anger, all of the resentment against Harry, that he had failed to say the one thing that he had wanted to ask Harry after all these years.</p>
<p>“<em>You were my friend. How could you do this to yourself</em>?”</p>
<p>But Jean knew that if he said those words, they would destroy himself as much as they would destroy Harry.</p>
<p>Jean didn’t know what else to do. He didn’t know what else to say.</p>
<p>So he did the worst possible thing that he could have done in that situation.</p>
<p>He left.</p>
<p> </p><hr/>
<p> </p>
<p>While going down the staircase, Jean almost collided with Lt. Kim Kitsuragi, who was on his way up.</p>
<p>“Lieutenant Vicquemare,” the other man greeted.</p>
<p>“Lieutenant Kitsuragi,” he acknowledged. He was far too drained to say anything else.</p>
<p>Kim frowned. “You ... don’t seem well, Lieutenant. Is something the matter?”</p>
<p>“... It’s nothing. And please, call me Jean.”</p>
<p>“Alright, Jean. By any chance, would you happen to know where Harry is?”</p>
<p>Jean dimly remembered that Kim wasn’t there at the office when he had told Harry to meet him at the roof. Knowing the lieutenant, he was probably in the garage, tinkering with his Coupris Kineema again.</p>
<p>“Yes, I just saw him. Just head on up to the roof.”</p>
<p>“All right. Thank you for telling me where he is.”</p>
<p>The lieutenant slipped past him and was about to head up the stairs. Suddenly, something in Jean’s ancient reptilian brain kicked in and fired two words out of his mouth before he could stop himself.</p>
<p>“Kim, wait.”</p>
<p>Kim Kitsuragi paused mid-step and turned to look at him.</p>
<p><em>Why did I say that?</em> Jean thought, as his mind raced to think of something to say. Then, in the little opening that his reptilian brain had made in his mind, his conscience started to seep through.</p>
<p>“I may have, uh, told Harry a few things...”</p>
<p>Kim patiently waited for him to continue.</p>
<p>Compelled by the lieutenant’s silence and a pair of mysterious feelings that Jean suspected to be guilt and shame, he proceeded to give Kim a rushed summary of what had happened on the roof.</p>
<p>He felt like a penitent seeking absolution... Or like a snot-nosed kid telling his dad about the Bad Thing that he just did.  </p>
<p>When he had finished, the lieutenant was staring at him with an unreadable expression.</p>
<p>Jean sweat bullets while waiting for Kim’s verdict.</p>
<p>“So what you’re saying," the lieutenant finally said, “is that you told a self-destructive, emotionally unstable man all of his past sins, in sordid detail. Then you left him. Alone. On the roof.”</p>
<p>Kim’s tone remained even all throughout, but it sent a chill through Jean’s spine nonetheless.</p>
<p>“Uh. Yes.”</p>
<p>They stared at each other for a more few seconds.</p>
<p>Then, something clicked in Jean’s brain.</p>
<p>“<em>Shit</em>,” he muttered.</p>
<p>They bolted up the staircase at the same time. </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Dusk</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p><strong>SHIVERS</strong> [Medium: Success] – The dying rays of the sunset paint the rooftop a macabre shade of red, as though the concrete floor beneath your feet is the canvas of the self-inflicted horror that is your life. A cold breeze scatters the detritus around you and chills you to your core.</p><p>Somewhere in the distance, a crow caws thrice before flying off in search of its evening meal.</p><p><strong>YOU</strong> – It feels like it’s been ages since Jean left, but you’re still standing here, dazed and completely dismantled by everything that he told you.</p><p><strong>PAIN THRESHOLD</strong> [Legendary: Failure] – Your knees ache. Your head throbs. Your eyes burn.</p><p><strong>INLAND EMPIRE</strong> [Trivial: Success] – Lt. Vicquemare’s words have awakened all of the sleeping monsters in your soul, all of the specters of your degenerate past that you’ve been trying to exorcise and escape from.</p><p>The Detective God.</p><p>The apricot-scented ex-something.</p><p>Your unborn daughter.</p><p>They are all awake now, and they are crowding around you like a dark, oppressive miasma.</p><p><strong>YOU</strong> – I thought... I thought I could start all over again.</p><p>I thought I could be <em>better</em>.</p><p><strong>ESPRIT DE CORPS</strong> [Challenging: Failure] – Apparently, Lt. Vicquemare thought otherwise.</p><p><strong>AUTHORITY</strong> [Legendary: Failure] – And who are you to disagree with him? You’re nothing but a snivelling worm of a man.</p><p><strong>ESPRIT DE CORPS</strong> [Legendary: Failure] – A worthless police officer.</p><p><strong>EMPATHY</strong> [Legendary: Failure] – A heartless monster.</p><p><strong>INLAND EMPIRE</strong> [Legendary: Failure] – A walking nightmare.</p><p><strong>YOU</strong> – Yes, maybe... Maybe I am all of that.</p><p>Maybe I’m...</p><p> </p><p><strong>ELECTROCHEMISTRY</strong> – Hey there.</p><p><strong>YOU</strong> – This... isn’t a good time. Please go away.</p><p><strong>ELECTROCHEMISTRY</strong> – What do you mean? You’re wallowing in deep existential anguish and self-loathing. This is the <em>perfect</em> time for me to show up! Check your pockets, buddy.</p><p><strong>VOLITION</strong> [Easy: Failure] – You have no strength left to resist any of this.</p><p><strong>YOU</strong> – You reach into your right pocket, and sure enough, your fingers brush against a familiar box...</p><p>... which turns out to be a fresh, unopened carton of Ad Astra cigarettes.</p><p><strong>ELECTROCHEMISTRY</strong> [Easy: Success] – That’s what I’m talking about! Let’s replenish those dopamine supplies, shall we?</p><p><strong>ENCYCLOPEDIA</strong> [Trivial: Failure] – Uh, dopa-what?</p><p><strong>YOU</strong> – But... I don’t have anything to light up with.</p><p><strong>ELECTROCHEMISTRY</strong> – Or <em>do you</em>? Check your other pocket.</p><p><strong>YOU</strong> – You reach into your left pocket, where you conveniently find a box of matches.</p><p>Why did I have these on me again?</p><p><strong>ELECTROCHEMISTRY</strong> [Easy: Success] – Because you wanted to be ready in case you could get lucky with Kim. You know, light up that one, daily cigarette of his for him and all that sexy foreplay.</p><p><strong>YOU</strong> – Oh.</p><p>...Wait, WHAT????</p><p><strong>ELECTROCHEMISTRY</strong> – Trust me, buddy. I’m in charge of keeping track of these kinds of things for you. That was <em>totally</em> what you were thinking when you pocketed these goods.</p><p><strong>COMPOSURE</strong> [Legendary: Failure] – Oh god, <em>Kim</em>. What if he sees us like this? What if Jean tells him---</p><p><strong>ELECTROCHEMISTRY</strong> – Then we shoot up some drugs! And drink tons of alcohol! Until our liver and kidneys give out! Win-win!</p><p><strong>YOU</strong> – You stare at the miraculous box of cigarettes and the matches in your hand. They beckon you towards a promising future filled with menthol-flavored numbness.</p><p><strong>HAND-EYE COORDINATION</strong> [Easy: Success] – Even with your fat, sausage fingers, you manage to open the box of cigarettes and tap out a stick with little trouble.</p><p><strong>YOU</strong> – Wait... Are <strong><em>all</em></strong> of you against me right now?</p><p><strong>AUTHORITY</strong> [Trivial: Failure] – Yes, you suck.</p><p><strong>ESPRIT DE CORPS</strong> [Trivial: Failure] – No one likes you.</p><p><strong>VOLITION</strong> [Trivial: Failure] – You should just curl up right here and <em>die</em>.</p><p><strong>EMPATHY</strong> [Trivial: Failure] – You never cared about how I felt! It was always just about you!</p><p><strong>ELECTROCHEMISTRY</strong> – See? I’m your only <em>real</em> friend around here. Let’s light it up, baby!</p><p><strong>PERCEPTION</strong> <strong>(Hearing)</strong> [Challenging: Success] – Distantly, you hear frantic footsteps pounding up the staircase. But then again, you have the senses of a senile old fart, so you’re probably just hearing things.</p><p><strong>ELECTROCHEMISTRY</strong> – Hey, eyes on the prize! Focus on the sweet, sweet mind-numbing rush that you’re about to get!</p><p><strong>HAND-EYE COORDINATION</strong> [Easy: Success] – Your clumsy, oaf-like fingers somehow manage to successfully strike up a match.</p><p><strong>YOU</strong> – Your hand trembles as you put the cigarette into your lips. Cupping your palm around the flaming match, you lean close...</p><p><strong>ELECTROCHEMISTRY</strong> – Yes yes yes yes!!!</p><p> </p><p><strong>DOOR TO THE ROOF</strong> – Suddenly, the door to the roof bangs open so hard that the whole building quakes.</p><p><strong>COMPOSURE</strong> [Legendary: Failure] –What the holy f*ck!?</p><p><strong>PERCEPTION</strong> - Standing at the doorway are Jean and Kim. Both of them are panting and wheezing like they just ran through the whole of Revachol West.</p><p><strong>LOGIC</strong> [Easy: Success] – Or four whole flights of stairs.</p><p><strong>YOU</strong> – You stare at them.</p><p>They stare back at you.</p><p><strong>COMPOSURE</strong> [Legendary: Failure] – Oh god, <em>Kim’s</em> here! He can’t see us like this! Quick, go jump off the roof!</p><p><strong>VOLITION</strong> [Challenging: Success] – NO! Do <strong><em>not</em></strong> do that!</p><p><strong>EMPATHY</strong> [Easy: Failure] – Why are they looking at you like that? It’s not like you were dying or anything. </p><p><strong>ESPRIT DE CORPS</strong> [Medium: Success] – They both look extremely relieved, but Jean looks relieved in a how-dare-you-make-me-worry-I-want-to-strangle-you kind of way.</p><p><strong>PAIN THRESHOLD</strong> [Godly: Failure] – The sight of him sends a sharp pang through your chest. You wince and look away.</p><p><strong>JEAN VICQUEMARE</strong> – From the corner of your eye, you see Jean wince and look away from you too.</p><p><strong>KIM KITSURAGI</strong> – Kim glances back and forth between the two of you before squeezing the bridge of his nose with a weary sigh.</p><p><strong>PERCEPTION</strong> [Easy: Failure] – Uh, you better---</p><p><strong>PAIN THRESHOLD</strong> [Challenging: Failure] – You yelp as your fingers are singed by the match that you forgot you were holding.</p><p><strong>WASTED CIGARETTE</strong> – Propelled by your pain, the unlit cigarette flies into the air...</p><p><strong>ELECTROCHEMISTRY</strong> [Trivial: Failure] – No no no <em>no</em>!!!</p><p><strong>WASTED CIGARETTE</strong> - ... and dies a miserable, soggy death in a puddle of stagnant rainwater nearby.</p><p><strong>ELECTROCHEMISTRY</strong> [Trivial: Failure] - ... I was trying to make us feel better. I was trying to be your friend. And this... this is what I get from you?!</p><p><strong>YOU</strong> – I---I’m sorry...</p><p><strong>ELECTROCHEMISTRY</strong> – That’s it. You don’t get any cigarettes. Or booze. Or drugs.</p><p>No happiness for you, Harry boy. <em>Ever</em>.</p><p><strong>YOU</strong> – No! I---</p><p> </p><p><strong>ELECTROCHEMISTRY</strong> – Psych! I was just messing with you, man. Did you really think I was going to give up that easily? We have a full pack to enjoy!</p><p>Now shove three sticks into your mouth and let’s light up <em>for real</em>.</p><p><strong>KIM KITSURAGI</strong> – Before you can do so, Kim quickly turns to look at Jean and says, “Thank you for your assistance, Lt. Vicquemare. The situation is under control now, I think.”</p><p><strong>JEAN VICQUEMARE</strong> – “What, but he---“</p><p><strong>KIM KITSURAGI</strong> – The lieutenant primly coughs into his fist and arches an eyebrow.</p><p><strong>AUTHORITY</strong> – Ooof, good thing that wasn’t pointed at us.</p><p><strong>JEAN VICQUEMARE</strong> – Jean gets the message. “Yes. Uh. I’d better ... go down now,” he stammers. </p><p><strong>ESPRIT DE CORPS</strong> [Challenging: Success] – Even without looking at him, you sense Jean’s eyes briefly lingering on you before he heads downstairs.</p><p><strong>YOU</strong> – You breathe out a shaky sigh of relief when he’s finally gone.</p><p>It’s just you and Kim now.</p><p> </p><p><strong>EMPATHY</strong> [Medium: Success] – Now that Jean has left, Kim looks hesitant and unsure of what he should do next.</p><p><strong>ESPRIT DE CORPS</strong> [Medium: Success] – He has an idea of how bad you’re feeling, and he doesn’t want to make it any worse.   </p><p><strong>RHETORIC</strong> – Alright. Time to say something that will put the lieutenant at ease. Give it your best shot!</p><p><strong>YOU</strong> – “I murdered my cigarette, Kim.”</p><p><strong>RHETORIC</strong> [Impossible: Failure] – Good god, everyone’s right! You really are a hopeless bastard!</p><p><strong>KIM KITSURAGI</strong> – “Pardon?” He blinks at you in confusion.</p><p><strong>ESPRIT DE CORPS</strong> [Medium: Success] – He was expecting you to say many things, but he definitely wasn’t expecting you to say <em>that.</em></p><p><strong>COMPOSURE</strong> [Godlike: Failure] – Your eyes fill with tears. Your nose begins to run. Your lower lip trembles.</p><p><strong>AUTHORITY</strong> [Legendary: Failure] – If you cry over that cigarette, we will lose every shred of respect that the lieutenant has for us. <em>Please just kill yourself now</em>. </p><p><strong>YOU</strong> – “I murdered my cigarette...” you whine, and you’re mortified to find tears streaming down your face.</p><p><strong>KIM KITSURAGI</strong> – The lieutenant stares at you in disbelief with his mouth hanging slightly open.</p><p><strong>ESPRIT DE CORPS</strong> [Easy: Success] – This is the first time that you’ve seen him this taken aback.  </p><p><strong>RHETORIC</strong> [Godlike: Failure] – Can anyone <em>please</em> salvage this situation???</p><p><strong>YOU</strong> – Sniffling, you’re about to apologize to Kim for being a pathetic mess of a human being, when...</p><p><strong>PERCEPTION</strong> (Sight) [Easy: Success] – The lieutenant looks down and covers his mouth with a hand. He wraps his other arm around his stomach. His shoulders start to shake.</p><p><strong>LOGIC</strong> [Godlike: Failure] – He’s having a seizure! Quick, call---</p><p><strong>YOU</strong> – All of your thoughts are promptly derailed when, for the very first time in your life, your unworthy ears are graced with the sound of Lt. Kim Kitsuragi’s laughter.</p><p><strong>CONCEPTUALIZATION</strong> – It’s... It’s <em>beautiful</em>.</p><p><strong>KIM KITSURAGI</strong> – The lieutenant is laughing so hard that he’s clutching his stomach and gasping for air.  </p><p><strong>AUTHORITY</strong> [Godlike: Failure] – He is mocking our foolishness!</p><p><strong>EMPATHY</strong> [Godlike: Success] – No, that’s no it. That’s not it at all.</p><p><strong>ESPRIT DE CORPS</strong> [Godlike: Success] - He’s laughing out of <em>relief.</em></p><p><strong>INLAND EMPIRE</strong> – Like a blast of sunlight, the lieutenant’s laughter dispels the dark spectres that have been trying to drag you down with them into the abyss. If there is one thing that they cannot withstand, it is joy.</p><p><strong>YOU</strong> – You cannot help but stare at him, mesmerized by his happiness.</p><p><strong>EMPATHY</strong> [Legendary: Success] – You realize with blinding certainty that you want to make him this happy all the time.</p><p><strong>KIM KITSURAGI</strong> – Kim stifles a few more chuckles behind his fist as he gradually regains his composure.</p><p>“I’m... I’m sorry, Harry,” he says. “I didn’t mean to laugh. It’s just...” Kim looks at you, and what you see in his eyes makes your heart clench, but in a good way.</p><p><strong>EMPATHY</strong> [Medium: Success] – Relief. Worry. Concern. Fondness.</p><p><strong>KIM KITSURAGI</strong> – “I was so worried that something terrible had happened to you.” He gives you a small smile. “I'm glad to see that you're alright.”</p><p><strong>DRAMA</strong> [Medium: Success] – He is telling the truth, dear monarch.  </p><p><strong>COMPOSURE</strong> – You’re not fully alright, but you’re feeling... better now. Like you can live with yourself again for just a bit longer.</p><p><strong>SHIVERS</strong> – Without you noticing, the macabre red has given way a somber blue. The city has begun its gradual transformation into a nocturnal landscape, illuminated by thousands of electric lights that twinkle around you like fallen constellations.</p><p>Dusk has fallen over the city, but you no longer have to face it alone.</p><p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>I love writing the voices. I LOVE WRITING THE VOICES. Have I mentioned how much I love writing Harry's voices?</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. The Beacon in the Dark</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p><strong>YOU</strong> - As the glow from Kim's laughter slowly fades away, you begin to realize two things.</p><p>One, that, for the first time in a long, long while, you no longer feel like a piece of human refuse staining the surface of Elysium. </p><p>And two, that you're still holding onto the box of cigarettes. </p><p><strong>ELECTROCHEMISTRY</strong> [Medium: Success] – Oh my god. This is the moment that we’ve been waiting for! Quick, give him one!</p><p><strong>YOU</strong> – “Hey, Kim. Uh...” You tilt the carton towards him as a silent offering.</p><p><strong>KIM KITSURAGI</strong> – He considers it for a moment. Then, he shrugs. “Alright. I haven’t had one for today anyway.”</p><p><strong>ESPRIT DE CORPS</strong> [Medium: Success] – He was planning to have his nightly cigarette later, while going over his notes. But he’s breaking that sacred routine just this once, out of consideration for you.</p><p><strong>KIM KITSURAGI</strong> – He plucks out a stick and brings it to his mouth.</p><p><strong>YOU</strong> - You quickly follow suit, hoping that he doesn’t notice how twitchy and nervous you are.</p><p><strong>HAND-EYE COORDINATION</strong> – Okay, now light it up for him. But don’t forget to light up your own too!</p><p><strong>ELECTROCHEMISTRY</strong> - Or. You can light up <em>his</em> cigarette using <em>your</em> cigarette. Like. By leaning in close. Really, really, <em>reaaally</em> close.</p><p><strong>YOU</strong> – You spend a few seconds fumbling around your pockets looking for your matchbox while Kim watches you with mild amusement.</p><p><strong>INTERFACING</strong> [Trivial: Failure] – Wait, you only have <em>two</em> pockets. Why are you taking so long to find it???</p><p><strong>YOU</strong> – They’re deep pockets, okay?!</p><p><strong>PERCEPTION</strong> (Touch) [Trivial: Success] – Your bumbling search is gently aborted by a hand on your arm.</p><p><strong>KIM KITSURAGI</strong> – “Allow me, Detective.”</p><p>The lieutenant takes out a brass-plated lighter out of his jacket and flicks it open between the two of you. He tilts his head and leans towards the flame... </p><p><strong>ESPRIT DE CORPS</strong> [Easy: Success] – The way he’s holding the lighter out, it’s a very clear invitation that you should most <em>definitely</em> take up.</p><p><strong>ELECTROCHEMISTRY</strong> – Oh. Wow. My idea was great, but this is pretty hot too.</p><p><strong>YOU</strong> – Silently thanking your lucky stars, you lean forward as well. At this angle, your forehead almost touches Kim’s, and you try not to stare at how the flickering light casts a warm glow on his cheekbones.</p><p><strong>PERCEPTION</strong> – The tip of your cigarette brushes against his within the blue heart of the flame.</p><p> </p><p><strong>KIM KITSURAGI</strong> – Flicking his lighter shut, Kim draws back to take his first inhale, and the small distance that suddenly opens up between you feels like a yawning chasm.</p><p><strong>YOU</strong> – You wince, but you try to cover it up quickly by taking a deep inhale of your own. The smoke hits your lungs like a warm gust of pleasure, flooding you with a dizzying euphoria and mellowing out all the tension in your body.</p><p>It’s only now that you realize how much you’ve missed this feeling. </p><p><strong>ELECTROCHEMISTRY</strong> [Legendary – Success] – Totally. Worth. It.</p><p> </p><p><strong>YOU</strong> - In silent agreement, you and Kim walk over to the railing that lines the roof and gaze out at the city.</p><p><strong>SHIVERS</strong> – Under the dark sky, Jamrock glitters like a field of fireflies. To your right, a vast highway cuts a bright swathe across dark fields, granting weary travelers passage into the heart of the Central District. To your left, the city gives way to its darker nature--- the Pox, the Valley of the Dogs. Martinaise.</p><p><strong>PERCEPTION</strong> (Hearing) [Challenging: Success] - The night is quiet, but beneath it, you can hear the ever-present hum of traffic and the thrumming pulse of Jamrock's vibrant nightlife.  </p><p><strong>RHETORIC</strong> – Now is the perfect time to find out where you stand with the lieutenant. And for the love of all that is good, <em>please</em> do not mess this one up.</p><p><strong>YOU </strong>– “So, uh. Did Jean ... tell you what happened?”</p><p><strong>KIM KITSURAGI</strong> – He exhales a plume of smoke. “Yes, he did.”</p><p><strong>HALF-LIGHT</strong> [Godly: Failure] – A cold fist seizes your heart. You’re past the point of tears now, but you’re still shaken by the thought of Kim finding out about the trail of mass destruction that is your past life.</p><p><strong>KIM KITSURAGI</strong> – The lieutenant is silent again for a moment. Then, he sighs and shakes his head.</p><p>“He shouldn’t have done that, Harry.”</p><p><strong>EMPATHY</strong> [Medium: Easy] – His voice is quiet, but it’s laced with disappointment and disapproval.</p><p><strong>ESPRIT DE CORPS</strong> [Medium: Easy] – He thinks that Jean should have known better; that, as your former partner, Jean should have been more considerate, more tactful towards you.</p><p>He thinks that he, Kim Kitsuragi, would never have treated you that way. </p><p> </p><p><strong>YOU</strong> – What you say next surprises even you.</p><p>“Jean has the right to be angry at me, Kim.”</p><p><strong>RHETORIC</strong> [Challenging: Success] – That...!!! Actually makes sense. Huh.</p><p><strong>DRAMA</strong> – This is it, sire. ‘Tis time to reveal the profound agony within your spirit to the lieutenant!</p><p><strong>YOU</strong> – “I break everything that I touch, and I hurt everyone around me---Jean, everyone here at the precinct ... Her.”</p><p><strong>INLAND EMPIRE</strong> [Easy: Success] – That last word hangs in the air like a leaden weight between you and Kim. You imagine that you can smell the heady, tutti-frutti scent of apricots.</p><p><strong>VOLITION</strong> [Challenging: Success] – You take a deep drag of your cigarette to muster your courage. Then, you press on.  </p><p><strong>DRAMA</strong> – And now for the <em>coup de gr</em><em>â</em><em>ce</em>, my liege!</p><p><strong>YOU</strong> – “Kim, you should leave too. Before I---”</p><p><em>Hurt you</em>.</p><p>But you choke on the words before you can say them.</p><p> </p><p><strong>DRAMA</strong> [Challenging: Success] – Bravo, sire! That little snivel that you made in the end was sheer thespic genius!</p><p><strong>YOU</strong> – That wasn’t an act, you pretentious bastard.</p><p><strong>AUTHORITY</strong> [Trivial: Failure] – This pathetic display of vulnerability is sure to diminish Lt. Kitsuragi’s respect for us. What were we thinking??</p><p><strong>KIM KITSURAGI</strong> – Kim’s expression is unreadable as he gazes out at the cityscape. Meanwhile, the cigarette in his hand smolders like a small, waning sun.   </p><p><strong>COMPOSURE</strong> [Legendary: Failure] – You sweat bullets while waiting for Kim’s verdict.</p><p><strong>EMPATHY</strong> [Challenging: Failure] - You have absolutely no idea what’s going through his head, and that terrifies you.</p><p><strong>ELECTROCHEMISTRY</strong> – You know what you need to calm your nerves? Whiskey. <em>Several</em> shots of whiskey.</p><p><strong>VOLITION</strong> [Legendary: Success] – We are having <strong><em>none</em></strong> of that, thank you.</p><p> </p><p><strong>KIM KITSURAGI</strong> - Finally, Kim casually taps his cigarette against the railing.</p><p>“What are you willing to do to stop doing that?” he quietly asks.</p><p><strong>RHETORIC</strong> [Medium: Failure] – The question blindsides you. You weren’t expecting it at all.</p><p><strong>YOU</strong> - “What?”</p><p><strong>KIM KITSURAGI</strong> - “What are you willing to do to stop doing that? Hurting those around you, I mean.”</p><p><strong>DRAMA </strong>– Oh, sire. This is your golden opportunity to say a powerful, majestic line that will persuade Lt. Kitsuragi about your ironclad determination to reform yourself. Take it by the reins and ride it into the tequila sunset!</p><p><strong>ELECTROCHEMISTRY</strong> – Did someone say tequila? Yes, several shots of whiskey <em>and</em> tequila would do just the trick.</p><p><strong>RHETORIC</strong> – Don’t think too hard about this. Just give him the honest answer.</p><p><strong>YOU</strong> - “Anything,” you say.</p><p>Then, “Everything.”</p><p> </p><p><strong>RHETORIC</strong> [Medium: Success] – Kim looks satisfied.</p><p><strong>KIM KITSURAGI</strong> - “Good,” he says, as if that settles the matter. “Then I’ll stay right here, if you don’t mind.” He puts the cigarette back to his lips.</p><p><strong>HALF-LIGHT</strong>  – Wait, he’s not leaving? So what have I been pumping up all this dejection for?</p><p><strong>YOU</strong> - You gape at him. “But...”</p><p><strong>KIM KITSURAGI</strong> -  “Harrier.”</p><p><strong>YOU</strong> - You flinch and unwittingly drop your cigarette.</p><p><strong>SECOND WASTED CIGARETTE</strong> - Outraged by your betrayal, your second wasted cigarette tumbles through the air...</p><p>... and dies in a small explosion of ash and embers on the asphalt seven stories below.    </p><p><strong>ELECTROCHEMISTRY</strong> - I can't believe this! After all that effort, you waste <em>another</em> one???</p><p> </p><p> </p><p><strong>KIM KITSURAGI</strong> -  The lieutenant turns and looks straight into your eyes. The only way he could look more intimidating was if he arched his eyebrow.</p><p><strong>AUTHORITY</strong> [Challenging: Failure] – Oh no. Anything but the eyebrow!</p><p><strong>KIM KITSURAGI</strong> -  “When I first met you at the lobby of the Whirling-in-Rags, you were a dishevelled mess of a human being. You smelled of vomit, stale sweat, and alcohol. You lied to me about having done the interviews, about taking down the body from the tree, and about losing your gun. You bolted when Gartre asked you to pay up your bill. And,” he narrows his eyes, as if preparing to deliver the biggest outrage of all, “you introduced yourself to me as Raphael Ambrosius Cousteau.”</p><p><strong>DRAMA</strong> – But my dear monarch, you <em>are</em> Raphael Ambrosius Cousteau. Harrier Du Bois is such a plebeian name!</p><p><strong>RHETORIC</strong> - Everything that Kim said was true, so there’s really no point defending yourself. Just take it like a man!</p><p><strong>KIM KITSURAGI</strong> -  “That all happened in the <em>first five minutes</em> that we met, Harry.”</p><p><strong>ELECTROCHEMISTRY</strong> - When he puts it that way, it sounds like we really, really f*cked up our first impression with him.</p><p><strong>COMPOSURE </strong>[Medium: Failure] - You feel like throwing yourself off the roof right now out of sheer shame and embarrassment.</p><p><strong>ESPRIT DE CORPS</strong> – But isn’t it impressive, how much the lieutenant has remembered about those first five minutes?</p><p><strong>KIM KITSURAGI</strong> -  “But I decided to give the broken, confused detective who was standing in front of me a chance, because maybe---just maybe,” Kim’s voice softens, and so does his gaze, “there was more to him than met my eye.”</p><p><strong>INLAND EMPIRE</strong> –<em> Finally</em>. Here is someone who sees beyond our mortal shell and into the murky whirlpool of waking dreams, intuitions, and visions within the core of our being.</p><p><strong>CONCEPTUALIZATION</strong> [Trivial: Success] - The lights from the city bathe his profile in an electric blue glow, and you’re reminded of the halo that shone through the stained glass window of Dolores Dei in an abandoned chapel by the seaside.</p><p> </p><p><strong>KIM KITSURAGI</strong> -  Taking one last drag, Kim stubs out his cigarette on the bottom of his boot.</p><p>Then, he steps closer to you.</p><p><strong>ELECTROCHEMISTRY</strong> – And your heart rate goes. Off. The. Charts.</p><p><strong>PERCEPTION</strong> <strong>(Smell)</strong> [Medium: Success] – He smells of cigarette smoke and aftershave, a clean, tangy scent that reminds you of freshly laundered sheets and clear, sunlit days.</p><p><strong>INLAND EMPIRE</strong> – A scent that is wonderfully, utterly devoid of any trace of apricots.</p><p><strong>KIM KITSURAGI</strong> -  “And I was right. That detective didn’t just solve the case. He convinced a mother to let her daughter stop working and come inside on a freezing day. He helped a group of at-risk teenagers set up the nightclub of their dreams in an abandoned church. He stopped three mercenaries from slaughtering of a group of dock workers who were just watching out for each other---”</p><p><strong>YOU</strong> - You’re about to point out that four of those dock workers still died, but Kim holds up a hand.</p><p><strong>VOLITION</strong> [Legendary: Failure] – The words die in your throat. You obediently shut your mouth and let him continue. </p><p><strong>AUTHORITY</strong> [Legendary: Failure] – He is able to command our silence with his hand just as effectively as his eyebrow. The lieutenant is truly a formidable man.</p><p><strong>KIM KITSURAGI</strong> -  “--- and he saved my life. Even while he was bleeding out on the ground.”</p><p>He lowers his hand, and for a moment, the two of you just stare at each other.</p><p> </p><p><strong>COMPOSURE</strong> [Legendary: Failure] - There’s a lump in your throat, and your vision is getting embarrassingly blurry again.</p><p><strong>RHETORIC</strong> [Challenging: Failure] - You don’t know what to say.</p><p><strong>EMPATHY</strong> [Challenging: Failure] - You don’t know what to feel.</p><p><strong>KIM KITSURAGI</strong> -  “So Harry, I hope that you give that detective another chance too. Because...” </p><p>Kim gives you a smile so blindingly sincere that for a moment, you forget to breathe.</p><p> </p><p>“I’m damn glad that I did.”</p><p> </p><p><strong>DRAMA</strong> [Easy: Success] – He means every word, sire.</p><p><strong>HALF-LIGHT</strong> [Challenging: Failure] – You do not know how to handle this. You were expecting resignation, frustration, anger, hatred, and abandonment. You were prepared to face all of those, to endure them, to rage back against them, but not this.</p><p>You do not know how to handle this kindness.</p><p> </p><p><strong>PERCEPTION</strong> [Challenging: Success] – The lieutenant looks away from you sheepishly. His shoulders are tense, and his throat bobs with a nervous gulp.</p><p><strong>ESPRIT DE CORPS</strong> [Medium: Success] – He said all of that because he wanted to make you feel better, but now he wonders if he’s overstepped his boundaries. </p><p><strong>EMPATHY </strong>[Medium: Success] – But as embarrassed and nervous as he is, the lieutenant refuses to take back what he said.</p><p><strong>INLAND EMPIRE</strong> – If you could turn back time, you would sear his every word into your soul, where they can serve as a beacon to return to when you inevitably descend into the darkness once more.</p><p><strong>EMPATHY</strong> – If you don’t find a way to express your feelings to him soon, you’ll probably explode from emotional constipation.</p><p><strong>COMPOSURE</strong> [Medium: Success] – Or ugly cry. You’re able to keep these tears reined in so far, but you can’t hold them in for much longer.</p><p><strong>RHETORIC</strong> [Legendary: Failure] – You still can’t think of the right words to say.</p><p><strong>EMPATHY</strong> [Legendary: Failure] – You can’t think of a lighthearted way to break the tension.</p><p> </p><p><strong>ELECTROCHEMISTRY</strong> [Legendary: Success] – I have an idea.</p><p> </p><p><strong>YOU</strong> – And that’s how you find yourself engulfing Lt. Kim Kitsuragi in a massive bear hug.</p><p> </p><p><strong>COMPOSURE </strong>– WAIT, WHAT ARE YOU DOING.</p><p><strong>YOU </strong>– I DON’T KNOW BUT I’M TOTALLY DOING IT</p><p><strong>KIM KITSURAGI -</strong> The lieutenant lets out a surprised (and uncharacteristic) yelp, which is quickly muffled when his face gets pressed against your shoulder.</p><p><strong>EMPATHY</strong> [Easy: Success] – He definitely wasn’t expecting this, but then again, neither were you.</p><p><strong>PHYSICAL INSTRUMENT</strong> [Easy: Success] – His slight frame slots easily between your arms. The jacket just makes him look bulkier than he actually is. He’s pretty tense, though.</p><p><strong>PERCEPTION</strong> [Easy: Success] – He’s warm, and he smells <em>wonderful</em>.</p><p><strong>KIM KITSURAGI</strong> – “Harry...” he whines against your shoulder. He squirms, but you refuse to let him go. </p><p><strong>AUTHORITY</strong> – That may have been the most submissive sound that we have elicited from the lieutenant thus far! What a truly glorious moment! </p><p><strong>ESPRIT DE CORPS</strong> [Medium: Success] – Lt. Kitsuragi isn’t wholly comfortable with this, but he’s not fully against it either.</p><p><strong>VOLITION</strong> [Challenging: Failure] – You know that you should let go of him at some point, but hugging him just feels <em>so good</em>.</p><p><strong>COMPOSURE</strong> – IS NO ONE ELSE FREAKED OUT BY THIS.</p><p><strong>EMPATHY</strong> – Sorry, I’m too busy being overwhelmed by gratitude to the lieutenant.</p><p><strong>RHETORIC</strong> – I didn’t have anything good to contribute anyway, so this works well for me.</p><p><strong>INLAND EMPIRE</strong> – Forget about the lieutenant’s words from earlier. <strong><em>This</em></strong> will be our beacon of light,  the memory that pulls us back from the abyss on the day that we wish nothing more than to plunge headlong into it.</p><p><em>Never let him go</em>.</p><p><strong>COMPOSURE</strong> [Challenging: Success] – ... Well in that case, I guess I’m okay with this too.</p><p><strong>ELECTROCHEMISTRY</strong> – See? Best. Idea. Ever!</p><p> </p><p><strong>YOU </strong>– You adjust your grip so that your arms are wrapped around Kim’s waist and your forehead is resting on his shoulder.</p><p><strong>KIM KITSURAGI</strong> – The lieutenant squirms in your arms a few more times, but eventually abandons himself to his fate with a resigned sigh. He relaxes, and, after a moment’s deliberation, perches his chin on your shoulder.</p><p>He hesitates...</p><p><strong>PERCEPTION</strong> <strong>(Touch)</strong> [Easy: Success] – Then, you feel Kim putting his arms around you, until his hands are lightly resting on the small of your back.</p><p><strong>ELECTROCHEMISTRY</strong> – UNFFFFF</p><p><strong>VOLITION</strong> [Godlike: Success] – Down, boy, down! I will <em>not</em> allow you to ruin this moment!</p><p><strong>COMPOSURE</strong> [Legendary: Success] – Do not. Move. A. Muscle.    </p><p><strong>INLAND EMPIRE</strong> – You do not remember the last time you have held someone like this.</p><p>Conversely, you also do not remember the last time someone has held <em>you</em> like this.</p><p><strong>ESPRIT DE CORPS</strong> [Challenging: Success] – The lieutenant is thinking the same thoughts for himself.</p><p>He, too, does not remember.</p><p> </p><p><strong>YOU</strong> – You close your eyes and take deep breaths until the voices fade away, until it’s just you and Kim, standing on the rooftop, holding each other. You know that you should be embarrassed, but not now. That you should be apologizing to him for being so presumptuous, so impulsive, but not now.</p><p>Right now, nothing matters except for the arms that are keeping you in place, and the faith that this man has in you.</p><p>“Thank you,” you mumble into his shoulder.</p><p> </p><p><strong>KIM KITSURAGI</strong> – You cannot see his smile, but you know that it’s there.  </p><p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Confession: This entire fic was just an excuse to make them hug.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. Absolution</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Lt. Kim Kitsuragi is having a good day.</p><p>First thing in the morning, he gets up and brews a perfect cup of coffee, which he sips on his apartment balcony as he watches the sun rise over Jamrock. He loves these early-morning hours the most, with their quiet solitude and peaceful leisure. No crimes to solve. No criminals to chase. Just a good cup of coffee and a fresh, new day to do some damn good work.</p><p>He goes through the rest of his morning routine with methodical efficiency, all the while running through a mental checklist of the day’s agenda: The weekly touch-base meeting with the whole Major Crimes Division, then a solid two-hour chunk wherein he could type up his reports about the Missing Filament Case. Right before lunch, he can drop by the garage to check on the mechanics’ progress on his Kineema, which needed repairs after he’d gotten a bit <em>too</em> enthusiastic chasing after a fleeing perp last week.</p><p>Then, lunch with Harry.</p><p>Kim resolutely ignores the anticipation that flickers in his gut at the thought of that particular appointment.</p><p> </p><p>The morning goes by as expected. The staff meeting is the typical slog of case updates and office announcements, and everyone in the room copes with it in their own way. Jean stands behind the podium and dutifully, if sullenly, executes his duties as the facilitator. Kim and Judith listen and take down notes. Trant takes in everything with enthusiasm and asks intelligent questions. Chester chews bubblegum while rocking his chair back and forth on its hind legs. Mack snores loudly in his seat. And Harry...</p><p>Well, he doesn’t seem to be doing anything strange, but Kim’s guessing that Harry is probably tuning out and hosting an internal disco party with the voices in his head.  </p><p>At some point during the meeting, Kim glances over at Harry’s direction, only to catch the other man eyeing him too. Harry promptly looks away and pretends to be extremely interested in what Jean is saying about the questionable durability of their office staplers.</p><p>Kim looks down at his notebook and stifles a grin.</p><p>He knows that eventually, he and Harry would have to talk about this... thing between them. But for now, he contents himself with their subtle back-and-forth as they both try to navigate through this delicate and nebulous understanding that they've grown to share with each other</p><p> </p><p>At around mid-morning, Kim is at his desk typing up one last report when he hears frantic footsteps heading towards his direction. He glances up just in time to see Judit, her face marked with worry and panic, skidding to a stop in front of his desk.   </p><p>“Lt. Kitsuragi!”</p><p>“Patrol Officer Minot. How may I---?”</p><p>“It’s Lt. Double-Yefreitor Du Bois, Sir,” she reports anxiously. “I just overheard him asking Lt. Vicquemare to meet him on the roof, and...”</p><p>Kim’s mind finishes Judit’s sentence for her.</p><p>... <em>and we all know what happened last time</em>.</p><p><em>Harry, </em>Kim thinks to himself as he runs towards the stairwell,<em> what are you thinking?</em></p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p><strong>COMPOSURE</strong> [Legendary: Failure] - What were you thinking???</p><p><strong>YOU </strong>– You were thinking that after three days of ignoring you and generally making the entire squad miserable, Jean would be in the mood to talk things through.</p><p><strong>ESPRIT DE CORPS</strong> [Medium: Success] – Apparently, you were wrong.</p><p><strong>JEAN VICQUEMARE</strong> – Even though he followed you up to the roof, Jean does not look happy to be here. He refuses to look at you, choosing instead to glare intensely at the ground in front of him like it had personally offended him in some way.  </p><p><strong>ESPRIT DE CORPS</strong> [Easy: Success] – The lieutenant can’t bring himself to look at you because he’s too ashamed of what he’s done. Unfortunately, he’s an arrogant bastard, so he can’t bring himself to just apologize to you like a normal person. </p><p><strong>SUGGESTION</strong> – It might be best to take the humble route. Apologize to him first, then maybe he’ll be inspired to follow suit.</p><p> </p><p><strong>COMPOSURE</strong> [Challenging: Success] – Steeling your nerves, you stand up straight and look Jean in the eye.</p><p><strong>YOU </strong>– “Jean. I---”</p><p><strong>JEAN VICQUEMARE</strong> – “Harry, I---”</p><p><strong>EMPATHY</strong> [Medium: Failure] – Whoops, that was awkward.</p><p><strong>JEAN VICQUEMARE</strong> – The two of you gape at each other for a second before looking away at the same time. Jean coughs loudly into his fist in an effort to hide his grimace.</p><p><strong>ESPRIT DE CORPS </strong>[Challenging: Success] – There is an extremely high probability that the lieutenant’s thoughts are going the same trajectory as yours.</p><p>Namely, “<em>Shit shit shit</em>.”   </p><p><strong>SUGGESTION </strong>– Don’t get bogged down by this. Try again!</p><p> </p><p><strong>COMPOSURE</strong> [Challenging: Success] – Clearing your throat, you try to project a semblance of nonchalance as you gesture towards Lt. Vicquemare. </p><p><strong>YOU</strong> – “Go ahead---”</p><p><strong>JEAN VICQUEMARE</strong> – “You go first---”</p><p><strong>EMPATHY</strong> [Medium: Success] - The embarassed silence that falls between the two of you is so thick that you can cut it with a knife.</p><p><strong>RHETORIC</strong> – Are you sure that you’re both seasoned police detectives? Because you two really, really suck at this conversation thing.</p><p><strong>LOGIC</strong> – At this rate, you’ll be stuck on this rooftop forever.</p><p><strong>PAIN THRESHOLD</strong> [Challenging: Failure] – This is <em>excruciating</em>. Why are you doing this again?</p><p><strong>ESPRIT DE CORPS</strong> [Godlike: Success] – Because despite all of the awful things that he said, Jean still stuck by you during the six years you spent as a self-destructive maelstrom of disco proportions.</p><p>Because even if he’s tired, angry, and fed up with it all, you know for certain that Jean Vicquemare can’t help but still care. And you’re not ready to lose him just because he threw a temper tantrum at you for horrible things that you actually did. </p><p><strong>PERCEPTION</strong> (Sight) [Godlike: Success] – From the corner of your eye, you see the door to the rooftop crack open by the tiniest hair.</p><p><strong>ESPRIT DE CORPS</strong> [Godlike: Success] – You are suddenly overcome with a mysterious desire to make that crack in the rooftop door <em>extremely</em> proud of you.</p><p> </p><p><strong>JEAN VICQUEMARE</strong> – “Harry,” he says with measured civility. “May I speak first?”</p><p><strong>YOU</strong> – Gulping, you nod.</p><p><strong>HALF-LIGHT</strong> [Medium: Success] – Primed by the sheer unpleasantness of your previous conversation with Jean, you instinctively brace yourself for what he’s about to say.</p><p><strong>JEAN VICQUEMARE</strong> – “What happened three days ago. I... shouldn’t have snapped at you like that. I was feeling really shitty that day, but I shouldn’t have let it out on you.”</p><p><strong>PERCEPTION</strong> [Easy: Success] – His shoulders are tense. His hands are in his pockets. He’s still unable to meet your eyes.  </p><p><strong>EMPATHY</strong> [Challenging: Success] – This is taking a lot out of him. He’s not used to being this open, this vulnerable in front of someone else. Especially in front of you.</p><p><strong>JEAN VICQUEMARE</strong> – “I wasn’t thinking when I said said all of that, when I brought up all of those things from the past. I was just so...<em>angry</em>.”</p><p><strong>ESPRIT DE CORPS</strong> [Challenging: Success] – For as long as you’ve known Lt. Vicquemare, you have always sensed the rage that seethed beneath his skin. He has always watched over it with terrified vigilance, all too aware of the destruction that he could unleash upon the people around him if he let this rage take over.</p><p>He failed in this duty three days ago, and he has yet to forgive himself for that.  </p><p><strong>JEAN VICQUEMARE</strong> - “I guess... what I’m trying to say is,” Jean finally musters the courage to look at you, and you’re taken aback by the stubborn earnestness that fills his eyes.</p><p>“I’m sorry for acting like a selfish and insensitive prick towards you, Harry.”</p><p> </p><p><strong>DRAMA</strong> [Easy: Success] – Not the most elegant turn of phrase, but the lieutenant is telling the truth, sire.</p><p><strong>EMPATHY</strong> [Medium: Success] – Jean’s apology sends a wave of relief coursing through you, and you release the breath that you didn’t know you were holding.</p><p><strong>PERCEPTION</strong> [Medium: Success] – You didn’t think it was possible, but the lieutenant is even more tense now than before.</p><p><strong>EMPATHY</strong> [Challenging: Success] - He’s laid down all of his cards in front of you, and he has no idea what you’re going with them.</p><p>Which is fair, since you don’t know what you’re going to do next either.</p><p><strong>DRAMA</strong> – May I suggest the... <em>melodramatic</em> route, sire?</p><p><strong>PHYSICAL INSTRUMENT</strong> – Or we could just, you know, hug it out with him. Just like what we did with---</p><p><strong>HALF-LIGHT</strong> – I’m going to stop you right there, big boy. There’s absolutely no way that Jean will <em>not</em> knock your teeth out if you try to hug him right now.</p><p> </p><p><strong>YOU</strong> – It’s okay, guys. I can handle this.</p><p><strong>INLAND EMPIRE</strong> – As you gather your thoughts, you plunge headlong into a recent memory. Once again, you inhale the scent of cigarettes and aftershave. Once again, the disparate pieces of your soul are gathered and held in place by gentle hands. Once again, you embrace and are embraced in turn, without judgment or condemnation.</p><p>You bask in this memory, and draw strength from it.</p><p> </p><p><strong>YOU</strong> – “Jean, I’m the one who should saying sorry to you.”</p><p><strong>ESPRIT DE CORPS</strong> [Legendary: Success] – Despite his apology, the lieutenant <em>definitely </em>agrees with you on that point.</p><p><strong>JEAN VICQUEMARE</strong> – He folds his arms across his chest, but he’s giving you his full attention.</p><p><strong>YOU</strong> – “Even if you were angry, everything that you said was true. I've made a lot of people suffer. And they would have suffered more, if it weren’t for you.”</p><p><strong>COMPOSURE</strong> [Legendary: Success] – This is the hard part. You take a deep breath to calm your nerves, and pray that your voice doesn’t tremble.</p><p><strong>YOU</strong> - “You were the one who kept the precinct together when I was busy tearing it apart. You were the one who comforted ... her when I was dead-drunk in our apartment.</p><p>“You were the one who didn’t abandon me, even when I had already abandoned myself.”</p><p><strong>JEAN VICQUEMARE</strong> – The lieutenant stares at you.</p><p><strong>PERCEPTION (Sight)</strong> [Easy: Success] - His eyes are wide. His jaw is slack.</p><p><strong>ESPRIT DE CORPS</strong> [Challenging: Success] – In his entire career as a detective, Lt. Jean Vicquemare has learned to expect the unexpected. But even with that, he could never have prepared himself for what you had just said.</p><p><strong>EMPATHY</strong> [Legendary: Success] - You’ve caught him completely off-guard. Go on!</p><p><strong>RHETORIC</strong> [Easy: Success] – The next words come easily to you, and you say them without hesitation.</p><p><strong>YOU</strong> -  “I’m sorry,” you say, with all the sincerity and courage that you can muster, “for not being the friend or partner that you deserve.”</p><p> </p><p>A stunned silence rings out over the rooftop.</p><p><strong>COMPOSURE</strong> [Legendary: Success] – That... took a lot out from you. You blink away the wetness from your eyes, but you manage to keep a relatively straight face.</p><p><strong>JEAN VICQUEMARE</strong> – Jean looks devastated. As if you’d just punched him in the gut.</p><p><strong>ESPRIT DE CORPS</strong> [Challenging: Success] – He didn’t think that you could apologize enough for what he’s been through. Now, he realizes that he might have been wrong.</p><p> </p><p><strong>YOU</strong> – But you’re not yet done. There’s still something more that you have to tell him.  </p><p>“Jean,” you say hoarsely, “I want to stop running away from the animal I’ve become.”</p><p><strong>JEAN VICQUEMARE</strong> – He blinks and frowns at you in confusion. “What?”</p><p><strong>YOU</strong> – “Back in Martinaise, witnesses claimed that before I blacked out, I shouted, ‘I don’t want to be this kind of animal anymore.’”</p><p><strong>ESPRIT DE CORPS</strong> [Medium: Success] – The lieutenant isn't sure where you’re going with this, but he knows you well enough to realize that he doesn’t really have a choice but to let you ramble on.</p><p><strong>YOU</strong> – “I didn’t understand why I said that, but now I do. In the six years since Dora---”</p><p><strong>PAIN THRESHOLD</strong> – You steel yourself for the pain that comes at saying her name...</p><p>But it never comes.</p><p><strong>YOU</strong> – “---left me, I’ve hated myself, Jean. Even when I was hurting everyone I cared about, even when I was destroying my entire career, my entire <em>life</em>, I <em>knew</em> that I was doing it. And I hated myself for that. And the more I hated myself, the more I wanted to destroy everything around me.”</p><p><strong>JEAN VICQUEMARE</strong> – He opens his mouth to interrupt you, but you press on.</p><p><strong>YOU </strong>– “I want to stop hurting people, Jean. But to do that, I have to stop hating myself first.”</p><p><strong>EMPATHY</strong> [Legendary: Success] – Understanding begins to dawn in the lieutenant’s eyes. He’s floored by the level of self-awareness that you’re displaying right now.</p><p>You don’t blame him at all. You’re pretty amazed by yourself right now too.</p><p><strong>AUTHORITY</strong> [Challenging: Success] – Six years have passed since the last time that Lt. Jean Vicquemare has felt any stirrings of esteem or respect towards you.</p><p>He is feeling those again for you now.   </p><p> </p><p><strong>YOU</strong> – “This is my chance to start over again, my chance to do things <em>right</em>. But if I try to do this alone, I’ll just turn into that animal again.”</p><p><strong>DRAMA</strong> – It is time for our trump card, sire.</p><p><strong>YOU</strong> – You extend your hand towards him.</p><p>“Jean. <em>Please</em>.”</p><p><strong>EMPATHY</strong> [Godlike: Success] - <em>Don’t give up on me</em>. <em>Give me another chance. Trust me. </em></p><p><strong>ESPRIT DE CORPS</strong> [Godlike: Success] – The unspoken litany passes between you and the lieutenant, weighing the air with silent desperation.  </p><p> </p><p><strong>JEAN VICQUEMARE</strong> – For a few moments, Jean just stares your outstretched hand.</p><p><strong>COMPOSURE</strong> – The thought that he’ll leave you hanging here like a rejected charlatan fills you with so much dread and anxiety that you’re tempted to withdraw your hand.  </p><p><strong>VOLITION</strong> [Godlike: Success] – But you keep it there --- An open invitation, a hopeful petition, a desperate plea.</p><p><strong>ESPRIT DE CORPS</strong> [Challenging: Success] – The lieutenant is recalling the aftermath of your previous two blackouts. He thinks of the other two chances that you had to redeem yourself from the animal you had become. He thinks of how miserably you had failed in both instances.</p><p>He wonders if things will be any different this time.</p><p><strong>SUGGESTION</strong> – Yes. It <em>will</em> be different.</p><p><strong>VOLITION</strong> – Because if it is not, then you do not know how you will be able to live with yourself.</p><p> </p><p><strong>ESPRIT DE CORPS</strong> [Godlike: Success] – Then, he remembers the man that you had been, before police work turned you into a self-loathing thrall of booze and drugs. He remembers being shocked to see that man again on the dock in  Martinaise, when he had already abandoned any hope that the Harry he knew, the Harry that he admired and respected, could still come back.</p><p>He looks at you now, and he sees that man again.</p><p>Inside the lieutenant’s mind, a dam breaks.</p><p><strong>JEAN VICQUEMARE</strong> – “Ah, fuck it,” he whispers to himself.</p><p>When he finally reaches over to grab your hand, it feels like absolution.</p><p> </p><p><strong>PHYSICAL INSTRUMENT</strong> – The lieutenant’s grip is firm and strong, and it conveys several things at once.</p><p><strong>EMPATHY</strong> [Legendary: Success] – <em>I believe in you</em>. <em>Don’t f*ck this up</em>. <em>I trust you</em>.</p><p><strong>ESPRIT DE CORPS</strong> [Medium: Success] – Still gripping your hand, Lt. Vicquemare stares at you with wonder and renewed respect.</p><p>But there’s something else in his gaze too, an analytical glint, as if he’s trying to put his finger on something that he can’t quite identify.</p><p>Then, it hits him.</p><p> </p><p><strong>JEAN VICQUEMARE</strong> – “Damn,” he mutters with an awed, but victorious, smirk. “You’ve really got it bad for Kitsuragi, don’t you?”</p><p> </p><p><strong>YOU</strong> – The giant, happy grin that’s plastered on your face freezes as you try to process what he just said.</p><p><strong>COMPOSURE</strong> [Legendary: Failure] – Oh.</p><p>My.</p><p>
  <strong><em>God</em>.</strong>
</p><p><strong>YOU</strong> – “WHAT???” you splutter as you propel yourself into the air out of sheer shock and mortification.</p><p><strong>ESPRIT DE CORPS</strong> [Legendary: Success] – You sense a distinctly embarrassed, but amused, silence emanating from the crack in the doorway to the roof.</p><p> </p><p><strong>ELECTROCHEMISTRY</strong> – Kitsuragi? Did someone say---</p><p><strong>YOU</strong> – PLEASE GO AWAY.</p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>The rest of Kim’s day goes by smoothly.</p><p>After finishing his report, he drops by the garage and receives the excellent news that his Kineema will be up and running sooner than he expected. “Don't you worry, the damage was mostly cosmetic,” the head mechanic tells him. “We’ll get this lady looking like her usual gorgeous self before you know it.” Kim thanks him profusely, and promises to drop by and help out with the repairs the next morning.</p><p>On his way out, the head mechanic calls his attention again. “You’re a lucky man, Mr. Kitsuragi!” the old man yells out mischievously, jerking a thumb at Kim’s sweet ride.</p><p>Kim pauses thoughtfully.</p><p>Then, he grins.</p><p>“Yes, I am!” he yells back.   </p><p>And with that, Kim Kitsuragi heads out for lunch.</p><p> </p><p>He meets Harry at a nearby Mesque cantina, which has quickly become their favorite food joint ever since Kim joined the 41<sup>st</sup>. They order their usuals, a giant burrito with a side of nachos for Harry and a set of soft-shelled tacos for Kim, and grab their usual table. As they dig into their meal, Kim observes Harry’s mood. The other man is practically radiating with joy, and Kim feels only slightly guilty for knowing exactly why Harry’s so happy. He feigns ignorance when his partner recounts what happened between him and Jean on the rooftop, but the smile on his face when Harry finishes his story is anything but made up.</p><p>“Harry,” he says, relieved that he finally gets to say this after watching Harry and Jean’s exchange with a full heart. “I’m <em>extremely</em> proud of you.”</p><p>Harry’s face slowly turns a brilliant shade of crimson, and if Kim could blush, he’d be turning red now too.</p><p>But he can’t, so Kim decides to take advantage of the situation by stealing the last nacho from Harry’s plate.</p><p> </p><p>Kim is packing away his things and getting ready to head home when someone clears their throat beside his desk.</p><p>He looks up, and is not at all surprised by whom he sees.</p><p>“Hello, Jean.”</p><p>“Kitsuragi,” the other man greets, and Kim detects a teasing lilt in his tone.</p><p>“How may I help you?”</p><p>For a long moment, Jean just looks at him with an assessing gaze. And, since Kim has always been terrible at backing down from a challenge, he steadily maintains eye contact with Jean all throughout.</p><p>Seemingly satisfied, Jean huffs and steps back from Kim’s desk.    </p><p>“Take care of him for me, will you?” he says.</p><p>It does not take Kim very long at all to figure out whom Jean was referring to.</p><p>“He’s capable of taking care of himself, Lieutenant,” he answers quietly.</p><p>He follows it up after a beat. “But... I’ll make sure he doesn’t get into <em>too</em> much trouble.”</p><p>Jean gives him a grateful smile. “I’m going to hold you to that, Kim.”</p><p>As Jean walks away from his desk, Kim Kitsuragi gets the unshakable feeling that like him, Jean Vicquemare just had a pretty good day too.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Writing Jean is like detonating a ticking time bomb.<br/>Writing Harry is like hosting a crazy disco party.<br/>Writing Kim is like having a cigarette with coffee on a quiet morning.  </p><p>Hope you all had fun reading this, because I definitely had a blast writing it! Thanks for the love, everyone!</p>
        </blockquote><div class="children module" id="children">
  <b class="heading">Works inspired by this one:</b>
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        <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/22990324">Фокус</a> by <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/users/HtonS/pseuds/HtonS">HtonS</a>
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